“I have what I need, I need what I have”

Daisy 013

It is Christmas Eve day. I am at mom’s and her house looks out on her small field full of large animals including two not enormous Nubian goats, a chicken, two emu’s, five or so Llamas and several other goats. It is 2:15pm in the afternoon and the sunlight filters through the branches of the cedar tree next to the field. The sky is bright blue and the air is crisp and cold. I just spent some time looking through the many cards I’ve been given over the last year and I got choked up, as I sometimes do, when I think about life and the living of it. I told me with a teary face that I needed to go take a nap, came up to her room where she lets me sleep and she hugged me so tight and I don’t know how she does it but she does. She gives me strength when it shows on my face that living with illness kind of hurts. It doesn’t always hurt and it is true that it could almost always be worse, that we live and we learn, that “attitude determines latitude” as some wise folks have shown. I am 99.7% cancer free. Moving in the right direction, toward being cured and while it is not a perfect picture and a rather bitter pill, I am alive and kicking.6:14 am Christmas morning. Seems like I have been waking up early morning every year of Christmas and again, this year I feel the inner elation of the anticipation of getting and, even better, giving. Good news. My dream last night was about a place where people were staying and going to (I think Australia). Mom has a house full of pets this Christmas. Three cats, one dog and a puppy roam around her house happy, healthy, wealthy and wise. I love Christmas. It is 8am on Christmas morning. Daisy, mom’s light cream kitty is lying next to me in mom’s bed purring licking her legs and the tips of her feet. Rusty who is Daisy’s brother is sort of rust color with stately patches of fluffy white. He was a regular sweet kitty and now he is Huge. He is also giving his belly a bath on the left corner of the bed. I said a prayer out loud to whom I’ve always prayed. I felt the presence. I felt grateful for the sky and trees and warm blankets. I felt inspired at the world we live in and the lives that we live through. I’m not sure any of us have the absolute answer but we are supplied with the endless push and pull where the ocean meets the sand. My hope for this day today is just that I spend today in today. Written Christmas 2009