It Ends Up Being All About The Little Things

Written 9/28/10 When you take the time to look at your life in the strictest terms of life and death, the shit really hits the pan. I meant to say fan. Either way, the questions persists; what entangles each day? What do I love most about living, and why? Would I change anything and if so, wouldn’t that have landed me somewhere besides right here, right now, writing these somewhat self indulgent words? Thank you for your attention to my words.Thinking, however briefly, about life and death carves a pristine impression in the mind and, as they say, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” In between the deep lament in the center of my chest at the prospect of not being alive - a reality unrecognized for most of my healthy, young, wild and open days – and the sway of the moment of enjoying life more when it feels so temporary, I remain today as alive as I’ve ever been, or ever will be. I’m also as young as I’ll ever be and as old as I’ve ever been. This thought ran through me as the barista at Fresh Pot, with the shock of beautiful rolling red hair, passed me the iced soy latte across the counter. It ends up being all about the little things.My skin and body feel much better, I think as a result of this latest treatment. Rumor is the new transplant with take place early next year. I’m not sure at this point if it will require a thirty day stint up on the hill or be administered outpatient. Either way, we know the drill. I’ll need to avoid crowded places and people with a cold or the flu. No eating at restaurants for the first thirty days and no salads. I’m supposed to use a bathroom separate from the one everyone else uses. The hair will come out. I’ll have some of that familiar fatigue. I heard of someone who had two transplants ten years ago, good news.Of all the things I think about in relationship to working on healing my body of the blood cancer that remains, I think it’s safe to say exercise is one of the most effective ways to combat symptoms and cultivate a quality of life. And so it is for all people, healthy or not. Diet is important, strawberry shortcake not with-standing, getting enough protein I’ve heard from many different sources. Drinking a lot of water, too, has been emphasized by anyone who has an opinion of how best to try to get better. The support of family and friends rides high on that list and I have an abundant, generous, humorous and happy flow of support from so many people in my life it is humbling and exhilarating to feel the encouragement of friendly faces in the mailbox, in my inbox, on the telephone, via text and couched in surprise boxes and envelopes on my front porch, dishes of food dropped off when in need and a willingness to listen to me think out loud, sort of like what we are doing here now.