On the Cusp

The newpaper finally came and while I was waiting for it I watched (via Tivo) David Letterman’s show last night to see someone I know play drums for the band. The camera really does add ten pounds. He looked nothing like himself to me. Then I turned on Oprah and watched David Arquette talk about surrender and suffering and loneliness. Sitting, as I am, on the cusp of this reckoning transition I feel the fear of signing up for something that caused me so much pain, ended a romantic relationship, stalled the music endeavor I have worked hard toward, clipped the chance of being pregnant with my own baby.I’m not trying to dwell. I’m trying to accept. I’m trying to deal. The sky is still bright blue and the dogs are curled up on the edge of the bed. I am scared and disappointed. So many highs and so many lows, it feels like an exercise in exhaustion.     2/27/11